You demanding too much
With all the sexual freedom of young couples, they are looking to build strong relationships today. Although there is a risk that living together does not meet their high expectations. Everyone had to think about why the feeling of love so impermanent and relationships require effort. But if the flame goes out, can we revive it?After all, love is something that defies our control. Can we make a decision and be happy together? And most importantly, why we are not content with what we have? At a time when only love can justify a life together, we probably too much to expect from a pair of: harmony, co-development, stability for many years. "Indeed, from a rational point of view of marriage today does not make sense - it confirms Anna Enfield family therapist. - But then the brain does not solve anything and we have a biological need to enter into a close relationship. Another thing is that emotional connection was virtually the sole function of marital unions. And so marriage becomes more difficult. Increasingly, the reason for divorce is not a betrayal or disagreements, and the search for a «warm», interesting, rich, personal interaction.
Many therapists say that to them are increasingly turning pair with a little experience. "Sometimes they come in a year or two of marriage, - says Jean-Michel Hirt. - They are not interested in a run; they are looking for a way to stay together. "Apparently, the current generation has lost the keys of life together. Just fall in love? We were all in love. We are experiencing an anthropological revolution, - says the analyst. - Traditional models are outdated and certainly young people to invent new ways of living together. And as long as this causes confusion among my patients' anger, the causes of which they do not really understand. «One of these reasons Anna Enfield sees a change in communication technologies: "The" fluid modernity "era (describes our time a philosopher Sigmund Bauman) people were interchangeable. You can order sex on the internet to find a partner for one night, to get support for any issue in social networks ... And it is alarming in pairs. Entering into a relationship, everyone wants to be unique for another companion - a friend, parent, child, teacher, "vest" ...
Publishers are trying to get closer, to meet all the other requirements
And for this merger is to pay the loss of desire. After all, if there is no distance between us, air, your companion - not a sexual partner. It turns out that it is a sense of trust, which we have always sought; it becomes the cause of the fragility of couples. " Inflated expectations inspire us to the media, TV shows, TV series or porn. Society demands that we become happier, more passionate, and more desirable. How to escape from this ideal image, in comparison with which our couple is always not good enough? Partners have a lot to rethink. For example, the courage to acknowledge that some aspects of life in a couple of them did not meet, but they can openly discuss and try to overcome. Only we can decide whether we want to remain disappointed and are determined to work together to create the story, who dreams to live. "How we supposed to reconcile the desire for a personal development and self-realization with the work with relationship? Usually we absorbed whirl of everyday life and try not to think about it, do not talk about it with your partner, do not look for solutions. "In a world where the economic situation and professional life are a source of stress, a pair of neglected, but it is seeking refuge from the misery and frustration", - explains the analyst Jean-Michel Hirt.