Now everything is serious
In friendships and romantic relationships a lot in common, so it is sometimes easy to confuse one with the other. Where is the line between friendship and love? Should you stay best friends, or make a step towards something more? How to find out what we feel, really? Psychologist Theresa DiDonato answers.
They say that the secret of a perfect marriage that the husband and wife should be first and foremost best friends. This makes sense - family psychologists have repeatedly confirmed that if partners perceive each other as friends, their relationship continues much longer. But what if the feelings we have for your beloved, only platonic? What if we see in it a best friend, a reliable support, but to romantic feelings and sex drive, these experiences have nothing to do?
There are several factors that we often associate with romantic relationships, even though they are important, and in friendship.
General In friendship and love
- Attraction. The attraction to another person may not necessarily be sexual or romantic. Best friends tend to attract each other. And people who are friends for many years apart can experience the same feelings as love.
- Proximity. When we open ourselves to someone, sharing their dreams, thoughts, goals and plans, then that person naturally becomes us much closer to the others. Well, if we get the same openness in return, there is a strong relationship based on trust and understanding. And this is possible, and between friends and between lovers.
- Respect. A healthy relationship built on mutual respect, the same can be said about friendship. But one cannot say that if you admire your loved one, then having him something other than friendly feelings. Friends that you can admire and enjoy their success will only make you better, inspiring new achievements, and their reciprocal respect will not let you give up even in the most difficult situations.
- Support. To provide mutual support - the main task of a friendly and in a romantic relationship. It helps to flourish, grow, change, and to endure whatever happens to us.
- Fun. Enjoy each other's company and have fun together, laughing at the same jokes, and wait for a new meeting - it still does not mean that you have an affair. But this is exactly a sure sign that you are very, very good friends.
The first and the main difference - is sex. But here today, partly blurred boundaries - cannot forget about the existence of "friendship for sex."
However, there are other aspects of the relationship that differentiate lovers from close friends.
- The overall objectives. Plan a joint future deal only with the romantic couples. Even though true friends could be identical in their own views on such things as religion, politics and way of life, their main goals in life do not tend to a common denominator.
- The time and the attention. In a deep relationship partners devoting all their spare time and attention to each other, which never meet, even in the strong friendship? Two of them choose to focus on each other, and the attention that they receive from the other, allowing them to feel comfortable. Conversely, if one of the pair does not want to expend energy on your partner, it could mean the end of a close relationship.
- Interdependence. Social psychologist Caryl Rasbalt states that the determining factor of deep relationships may be considered the degree of interdependence of the partners. Yes, my friends depend on each other, but life is firmly intertwined lovers. Being in a relationship, when two are relying more and more on each other and eventually replace the "Me" and "you" to "we."
- Positive illusions. In a healthy relationship partners are fascinated by each other. They have big expectations and perceptions of a loved one, which often do not coincide with reality. But a psychologist Sandra Murray, John Holmes and Dale Griffin believes that it is absolutely normal. Such rosy dreams and distinguish love from friendship more realistic.